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Portraits of Me by ~puwen:iconpuwen:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


Please,
Touch my face
Disentangle me from the branches
That are wrapped around me
For eternity, it seems

My body,
Cold, and unfeeling
Is starting to feel the pull towards
The ground below me
My destiny

Please, please, make a portrait of me
At least somewhere
Something
Will show who I was, and who I might be
If you loved me

Sweet loss,
Drive me away
My face is rotten and aching
Thanks to a broken heart
I’m sustaining

Trapped inside,
The memories of you hide
In my mind as I place my face
In the art gallery

Please, please, make a portrait of me
At least somewhere
Something
Will show who I was, and who I might be
If you loved me

Watch my face
Disappear into the darkness and
Become the silence
The people pass me by
My picture starts to cry

Please, please, make a portrait of me
At least somewhere
Something
Will show who I was, and who I might be
If you loved me

Potraits of me fade over time
I hope you
will fade from my mind
©2007-2009 ~puwen
:iconpuwen:

Author's Comments

It has different rhythms in it. That's why it's in "open."

Written for my new band, ironically named The Portraits.

--------------------------------------------------

C&C please.

Comments


love 1 1 joy 1 1 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconerendor:
~erendor Mar 17, 2007, 11:37:05 PM
"Please, please, make a portrait of me
At least somewhere
Something
Will show who I was, and who I might be
If you loved me"


Pretty...

Very nice work. ^_^

--
I HATE CADBURY =(. [link]
:iconpuwen:
~puwen Mar 17, 2007, 11:41:17 PM
WHY isn't it on my page!?! AGRH!OTQ_)!@_&$_!~~~

Thanks for the comment. Love you :heart:

--
[link]
photography | gallery | stock
:iconfacelessmaster3003:
~FacelessMaster3003 Mar 18, 2007, 12:29:46 AM
niiice job Jen^^

--
Union Official: Excuse me sir but we are now into overtime and union rules specifically state-
Cobra Commander: The only union they should be concerned with issss the onessss between their headssss and their shoulderssss!
Union Official: Duhhh-yes-sir!
:iconeclipse-arc:
~Eclipse-Arc Mar 18, 2007, 6:13:41 AM
This is gorgeous work Jen, I like the flow of it; the meaning isn't staunched by any fixed metre, which works well given the nature of the piece ^^

--
I designed a tower to reach my soul. But you built it, my love.
:iconpuwen:
~puwen Mar 18, 2007, 11:30:50 PM
Thanks Dan; I was worried there would be a backlash because my last feature Beyond Saving was fixed meter.

--
[link]
photography | gallery | stock
:iconpuwen:
~puwen Mar 18, 2007, 11:31:54 PM
Thanks for the fav! I'm really touched :blush:

--
[link]
photography | gallery | stock
:iconfacelessmaster3003:
~FacelessMaster3003 Mar 19, 2007, 2:26:21 PM
you deserved it^^ :hug:

--
Union Official: Excuse me sir but we are now into overtime and union rules specifically state-
Cobra Commander: The only union they should be concerned with issss the onessss between their headssss and their shoulderssss!
Union Official: Duhhh-yes-sir!
:iconbluehawk-d:
*Bluehawk-D Mar 20, 2007, 4:30:03 AM
...

...Ok that's the first time in a long time I've actually been able to identify with and maybe even just possibly like a poem. >_>

Which means muchos complimentos. I think.

Maybe.

<<;

(Don't tell Jen I liked the...OH SHI-)

--
[(Bluehawk)]
:iconpuwen:
~puwen Mar 20, 2007, 9:06:31 PM
Thank you honey, that means so much to me.

Now fav it and I'll be friends with you forever.

....


....

*shot*

:P

--
[link]
photography | gallery | stock
:iconlieth:
~Lieth Mar 20, 2007, 9:43:30 PM
Great stuff. Its deeply sad, but at the same time controlled and artful – the mostly five line stanzas contribute to this. The rhythms are smooth and it flows well. I like the image of being tangled in the branches, and the threat and inevitability of have to descend to the earth. The ground is a good image for destiny, as they are both so inescapable and immutable. The opposition between inside and outside spaces (between memories/love and portraits/faces/appearances) is also strong. The oxymoron ‘sweet loss,’ is striking and concise, and there is a similar arresting contradiction in the crying portrait. The final images of fading portraits and fading memories points to the future. It also brings together the narrator and the love, and the idea of external things alongside those which are in ‘my mind.’
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