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A little talk with God. by ~puwen:iconpuwen:



   For the Lord who is above me, and I entrust all
My doings towards thee,
I must take two minutes off five to ask you a
                Question.
Remind me of a strange phenomenon I heard of once;
Single word uttered in ear,
Indeed I was confused as she was caressing my neck;
               Silly, really.

  We do not talk well, we Run out of things to say.
It is not because of want to try!
I must convey that sitting in the park is quite
           Delightful.
Curious how my palm perfectly matched her palm;
As her soft skin with little lines drew a perfect line to mine.
Hazel eyes observed as I tentatively touched her cheek;
          How foolish.

  Oh dear Lord,
I think that I love below my station!;
For yes I question logic and reasons when I lose
All standings in her eyes.
But not so mystified!
I think that I must aggravate situation;
Her mother would bleed my blood money dry.
So Lord indeed on high,
Why is it you give me a decision, which makes a grown man cry?

Even if I have upset you, or have absolutely
Ruined whatever it is you had in mind,
What is this, a punishment?
To watch a clock at 3am and not remember two or five
         Prior?
To force myself upon a girl not twenty-three,
To bleed out her virginity?
She says she has made love to me,
I say that she's a liar.

  Oh dear Lord,
I think that I love below my station!;
For now I comprehend a little beggar must
          Never have my hand.
No little wench will frustrate a man;
Even though I have bled her, I have bled her dry.
So Lord indeed on high,
       I thank you for this discussion, which will make a woman cry.
©2008-2009 ~puwen
:iconpuwen:

Author's Comments

trying to adjust to using tone and character. this could do more with images, it's true, but i'm trying to get back into writing.

Still trying to use HTML in poems; what's the code for doing tab, please?

Comments


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:iconmozou-san:
An interesting work from you Jen, one which feels in swing with your other piece. I like the stanza structure, it feels natural and rounds off well at the end, making it not as abrupt as it could be; indeed it brings it to a whisper as I feel the beginning begins on.

No idea how to indent in HTML, it's been too long (over a year) since I made a webpage.

--
Touché my friend,
Yea, verily, forsooth it is so.
I am a fool with no tongue,
So wisdom only shall pass these lips.
:iconpuwen:
LAWL WEBPAGE

A comment from Dan? Jeez, the world's about to end :P
Kidding, mate. Thank you so much!

How are you!! I never get to see you! Let's catch up :)

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:iconlieth:
Nice work. It’s an intriguing title; ‘a little talk’ sounds small and casual, but the ‘God’ bit is quite the opposite. The use of very long lines then very short lines works well, particularly in the first stanza, and reinforces the humour. For example the lines “I must take two minutes off five to ask you a / Question” and also “Remind me of a strange phenomenon I heard of once; / Single word uttered in ear, / Indeed I was confused as she was caressing my neck / Silly, really”- which got a laugh out of me. The line “Hazel eyes observed as I tentatively touched her cheek” is delicate. I also like the strong rhymes in dry/high/cry. You really sketch out a character here, and a situation where the narrator loves “below my station.”
:iconpuwen:
Thank you dear as always for anaylsis. Yeah it is a bit of a character. love to hear you speak it, hahha!

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:iconchaos-jelly:
I love the movement in this poem
^.^

--
breathe slow
:iconpuwen:
Thanks!
it was a bit more fast paced than my other stuff.

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March 5, 2008
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